Until my thirtieth year, I lived in a state of almost continuous anxiety interspersed with periods of suicidal depression. It feels now as if I am talking about some past lifetime or somebody else's life.
One night not long after my twenty-ninth birthday, I woke up in the early hours with a feeling of absolute dread. I had woken up with such a feeling many times before, but this time it was more intense than it had ever been. The silence of the night, the vague outlines of the furniture in the dark room, the distant noise of a passing train - everything felt so alien, so hostile, and so utterly meaningless that it created in me a deep loathing of the world. The most loathsome thing of all, however, was my own existence. What was the point in continuing to live with this burden of misery? Why carry on with this continuous struggle? I could feel that a deep longing for annihilation, for nonexistence, was now becoming much stronger than the instinctive desire to continue to live.
"I cannot live with myself any longer." This was the thought that kept repeating itself in my mind.
Is there a way out of suffering and into peace?
A simple yet profound message with the timeless and uncomplicated clarity of
the ancient spiritual masters
Read "The power of now" by Eckhart Tolle.
This spiritual guide will definitely change your life.
Eckhart Tolle's books available free of charge at
Mahamevnawa Sadaham Library,
Department of Accounting,
University of Colombo
F 28, Mayfield Watta,
I am a Buddhist student studying medicine. I saw your details on the internet and thought of writing this email to get some valuable advice from your good self. I have failed my first year exams and currently repeating my first year. My problem is with procrastination, not doing any work and leaving everything for the last minute followed by panic, anxiety and immense sadness. Is there any help that you can offer me to overcome this self-destructing habit, and the feeling of low self-esteem whereby I think others are clever than me, they will pass and I will fail, which brings even more sadness to my mind. I know the answer to my problem, that I need to start work early and not to think about others and seek counseling if necessary, but just cannot do it and I feel that I am stuck in the same place.
Any valuable advice is greatly appreciated.
Thank you very much,